Wear the Flames
by WittyWallflower
Summary: While grieving with Kraglin, Peter learns something he didn't know about the other man.


Peter was wandering what was left of Yondu's ship, taking stock of supplies, figuring out what they would need to buy or build to get back to to… Well, not 'normal' exactly. But at least to a position where they were able to take on some jobs. Nova Prime's latest gratitude payment wouldn't last forever. While he moved through the corridors, Peter's ears rang with the sounds of memories he had made on this ship. The hidey-holes he had discovered and used whenever he was trying to duck the crew or its captain. The ducts he'd been forced to clean because he was the only one who could fit inside them and besides, new guy at the bottom of the ladder always got the worst jobs. Getting tripped up by an annoyed Ravager's big boot, stumbling and chipping a tooth on a railing when he fell into it.

But there were good memories too. He'd taught the nicer members of the crew some Terran games. Tag got pretty contentious with this group, but no one could ever best Peter at Hide-n-Seek. Only Yondu could find him, seeming to know instinctively where the boy was crouched. It made Peter wonder if Yondu had fitted him with a tracker along with his translator implant.

He came to halt before the door that had been designated as Captain's quarters. It wasn't the room Yondu had slept in. That was on another sector of the ship that had blown up behind the 3rd Quadrant when it raced off to save the Guardians. the new captain's quarters were supposed to be Peter's. Even though he knew Yondu had barely spent any time in this bunk, it still didn't feel right to occupy the space meant for the blue man.

But space was limited and their team kept getting bigger. Bunks were limited and until they upgraded or renovated, someone had to use this space. Peter decided he'd better face the tough part now, rather than later when all he'd want to do is sleep. Palming the mechanism of the door, Peter stepped inside. The room was not unoccupied.

Kraglin sat on the wide bunk (twice the size of any other on the ship. Yondu would never sleep here but Kraglin wasn't about to let standards slip in captain's quarters). His head was bowed, his frame tense, and his fist wrapped tight around something Peter couldn't see. The aura of grief was heavy in the air.

Peter faltered to a halt when Kraglin looked up at him for the barest second. Peter could read the man's face: he was bereft, utterly lost. Kraglin was taking Yondu's death hard. The two had been a team for as long as Peter had been with them and who knows how long before that. Ravagers kept a stiff upper lip so Kraglin had seemed to be doing okay most of the time. But his sorrow practically permeated the air.

Kraglin stared unseeing at the the flame badge in his hands, turning it over and over between his fingers. He'd removed it from Yondu's jacket before he'd been sent to the stars. The crest belonged with the captain of the ship. Peter now, I guess, Kraglin thought to himself.

Kraglin cleared his throat, swiping a fist under his nose, and didn't meet Peter's eye.

"This belongs to you now, cap'n." He held the flame crest out.

Peter put his hands up, palms out, and took a step back.

"Nah man, that was Y-… that was his. I'm only flying the ship cuz mine got blown up but I can't replace 'im."

"Ship needs a captain." Kraglin insisted, offering the badge again. "He would have wanted it to be you."

Peter sighed and approached but he didn't take the metal flame pin. Instead he sat beside Kraglin on the bunk. Peter scrubbed a hand through his hair and stared at his boots on the floor.

"I always thought I was kind of a pain in the ass to him." Peter said. "That he just kept me around for running jobs, or for an emergency snack."

Kraglin's lips wavered for a moment, almost a smile.

"We was never gonna eat you. Even a Ravager wont eat an intelligent species. Yondu thought It'd keep the crew thinkin' he was this close to beatin' ya or kickin' you off the ship. They didn't give you half the shit they woulda, cuz they thought he was whuppin' ya regular. He never guessed you'd be dumb enough to believe it. Who eats people?"

"Hey, I was just a kid!" Peter defended himself "Surrounded by space aliens! How was I supposed to know you all didn't eat kids like they were candy bars?" Peter fiddling with his hands, clasped between his knees, and took a good look back on his past.

It had taken Peter kind of an embarrassingly long time to figure out none of the Ravagers were likely to eat him. He'd been on the ship for years before it dawned on him that he'd never seen the crew eat another person. All manner of weird space animals, yes, and lots of Orloni but never anything you could call a sentient self-aware person. Hell, they ate synthesized protein packs more often than not, because the jobs were scarce for a banished crew and their money usually went to fuel and weapon reloads.

Considering the mutiny, Peter understood now why Yondu had kept him at arm's length his whole life. Why his real daddy was never able to really be a dad to him. The crew Yondu surrounded himself was split between occasionally-decent space pirates and the most wretched villainous scum in a dozen sectors. The scum had killed the rest and nearly killed Yondu and Rocket. All because Yondu had favored Peter's life over a large payout.

Peter wondered if he'd ever shake the guilt. The guilt of everything Yondu had been through to protect him. The shame of all the time he spent being furious with Yondu for things the blue man couldn't have changed. The regret of all the things he wouldnt get to say or do with his old man.

"Here." Kraglin thrust the flame badge towards Peter again. "S'yours. So's the room."

"Hey man," Peter tried to demure but Kraglin was insistent.

"He wanted you to be captain. You were his boy and ya meant something to him. Meant a lot. He didn't show people he cared, but I knew him. I could tell when he cared."

Kraglin's eyes lost focus as they looked back over the years he had lived and fought side by side with his captain. He sniffled unwillingly as the grief returned, more painful than before.

"He was a good man. Lived real rough and broke lots of rules but he was a good man on the inside where no one could see, he looked out for those he cared about." Kraglin fell silent as emotion choked him.

Peter stared at the Xandarian, watching as the other man's unsteady hands squeezing the flame crest tightly. The metal tips of the flames dug into his fingers and Peter wondered if he'd manage to draw blood with those dull points. Kraglin's frame shook slightly with each quavering breath and Peter knew there was no one else floating between the stars that was more sad that Yondu was gone. Not even himself.

"Kraglin…" It wasn't the time to ask, Peter knew. But he wanted to know about Yondu, about his real dad. About all the things he hadn't taken the time to find out when he'd had the chance. He wanted to reach out to his dad through the person who knew him best. "Were you in love with Yondu?"

Kraglin stilled but didn't bother with protest or denial. Quill was smart, too smart sometimes. He was mildly surprised Peter hadn't figured it out years ago. And he didn't need to answer to confirm Peter's suspicion. The solitary tear that escaped, trickling down Kraglin's cheek and disappearing into the scruff on his jaw said everything for him.

"Wow." Peter felt stupid for saying it. "I never… I mean, it was obvious you two were close, but…"

He'd never questioned it. Always taken it for granted that Yondu was exactly the type to inspire the kind of devotion that Kraglin had shown him, just by the merit of who and what he was. That a First Mate to Yondu Udonta could act in any other way had never occurred to him. The two men been through enough shit together to have formed an incredible bond. But it seemed Yondu could have been a boring old garbage collector and Kraglin would still have followed him to the ends of the universe.

"How come you two never…" never what? Peter thought even as he asked. Got married? Made it official? Engaged in PDA?

Hell, Peter had grown up in space and he still didn't really understand how space relationships were supposed to work.

"Cap'n had a reputation to maintain. 'Sides, its not smart to let everyone see your weakness. If they don't know I'm important to him, they can't use me against him."

Peter swallowed. Kraglin had lived 30+ years pretending his devotion to Yondu was nothing but a First Mate's concern for his Captain. What could the two of them have been if the crew hadn't held them slave with Ravager ideals of toxic masculinity?

Kraglin offered the crest to him again but Peter folded the other man's fingers around it.

"I'll fly the ship, Krags. But I'm no Ravager captain. Those flames belong to the one Yondu was closest to. I know now that he loved me, but we both know who really deserves to have that."

Kraglin hesitated before nodding his acceptance. He stilled his shaking fingers enough to attach the flames to his jacket. But on the inside, back to back with his own crest because gold crests were only for Captains to display. Besides, here it was closer to his heart, he thought. When he closed his jacket again, his fingers settled over both badges.

Kraglin stood, suddenly feeling very exposed. Talking about Yondu so openly didn't sit right after so many years keeping quiet.

"Oh, hey," Peter called to him as Kraglin made for the door. "You can take the room. One is the same as the next for me. I'm not gonna kick you out if you want to-"

"No." Kraglin interrupted, glancing around the room. He'd fitted it up just fine for a captain. Yondu himself wouldn't have had any complaints. But Yondu wasn't here, and he never would be. "He and I didn't spend any time together here, no more than any other part of this quadrant.

"There's nothing of him here for me, I don't belong here. This bunk belongs to you…. Captain."


End file.
